Art About Now

I am in a weird mood right about now.

My insides are all inhaling and holding the air in, making my stomach turn like it is excited for tomorrow, even though it isn't excited for anything at all. I suddenly want to absorb all music. My ears are suddenly desperate for the sound. I want my eyes to absorb everything artistic. My hands are hurting because they want to make art, but my brain is holding them back after all this time of telling my fingers that they don't belong to an artist. But I want to be an artist. I am scared of my classes. Intimidated, really. Overwhelmingly intimidated. But I've only just concluded that rather than worrying that I am in the wrong major, I am going to absorb my classes because I want to. Not because I need the content of the classroom for a degree, but I need the learning for my sanity. For my identity. My throat is dry and thirsty and it has been for a little too long. I've gone too long without learning art or releasing it into an actual form. It has only been shut away behind my eyes because I have only convinced myself to believe I was too busy for that. To believe I am, perhaps, anything but an artist.

I am an artist.
I demand that the fact be true.

Please, for the sake of my time, sanity (or lack thereof), money, and effort, let it be true.

Hypervent

I've been having some serious hyperventilation sessions regarding my major.

Art is hard.
Photography is potentially harder.

I'm moving next week.

I'll be stranded & without a car.

I'm directionally and decisionally challenged. 

I'll be in a new place with new results generated from

New decisions.

unQualified

I am nowhere near being on a professional level in the art world. But I have taken art classes and photography classes. I have at least some education regarding art. I've explored photography blogs and facebook pages, photography style. I've come to love many styles and expressions of art.

But sometimes I think back to art critiques. And I look at photographers' work. And I look at everything.

Why is it that people view the washed out, emotionless pictures of models as "full of emotion", while bright and colorful pictures of smiling people are viewed as "family-photo-like"?

I think I beg to differ.

Sometimes I think art is too categorized into too narrow of qualifications.

-From drafts, 12.06.11

Title

I ain't no photographer.

I have so much to learn.

Sometimes I look at the loveliest of others' photography.

And I think, 

"I feel like something like that's in my brain..."

But it doesn't seem to always show when I look through photographs taken.

Art is confusing.

I'm an artist; I swear I am.

I claim the title.

But sometimes it's hard to claim the term "art" when 

photographs taken perhaps lack it more than I'd like.

Claritable

I'm not sure of why I love this word so much.
     I like the way it sounds out loud. Crisp, concise.
     I like its depth.
But I felt like making something.

So I made this.

Exhibition

"I could do that," viewers of abstract/contemporary art often say, in an almost disgusted tone.

Well, to those people:

Do it, then. 

The artists did. That is why their artwork is hanging in a top-notch gallery. 

And yours isn't.