Upcoming: Revised

Things I am excited for:

Jaymay
France
Summer evenings
Ben Folds & Guster


All I have left to rely on is the weather and a bunch of band members.
This could cause some problems.

Shirts and School

There are some truths I just don't deal well with.

For instance, I have many winter shirts. And
I may have to transfer schools so I can be in a better Art Education program.

Neither of those things are things I particularly want to think about.


But I'd gladly go shopping for some new shirts.

Upcoming

Things I am excited for:

Jaymay
France
Summer evenings
Ben Folds & Guster

Fearsome

When asked what my biggest fear is, I normally respond with

blindness.

Besides the physical fears,
I think my biggest fear is actually incompetence.
Not necessarily fearing being incompetent.
But fearing
to seem incompetent.
Incapable.
Inadequate.
Inept.

I think there is a good number of people 

who probably bring to pass my fear.

Because I get nervous in a lot of 

social settings. So I am usually quiet or awkward with 

[name any person who is not a family member/close friend].

Not because I am afraid of talking. But 

because my brain freezes 

And I think,

"Did I ever learn how to speak this language?"

To which I think, 

"Yes. I did learn how to speak this language, as a matter of fact."

Anyway,

Moral of the story,

I wish I could break out of that

because there is more to me than I think a lot of people know or see.

And I am not quite sure how to change that.

Food, Music, Etc (AKA My Life)

My roommate made this yesterday, minus the ice cream. I've been devouring since.

This haircut has been wanting to relocate to my head. 

(It would be less about the cut and more about the growing for me.)

This song pulls at my heartstrings for some beautiful reason.

This song has been on repeat this last while.

Obsessions

1. Blogging. 

Believe it or not, I am totally in love with blogging. "Believe it or not" because maybe you're thinking, "You rarely post, citizen." To which I respond with, "You're right."
But really, as I've probably said an abundance of times,
I love reading people's blogs.
A lot.
I just love people. And lately I've actually been compiling a list of people in my brain. The list is called "People Whom I Admire". The best part of the list is that is says "whom" in it.

Someday I'll post about that list. I'm still compiling it.

Sneak Peek: A man named Howard from my Art Lectures class is on it. He introduces the speaker, and he's entertaining. Stay tuned for that one.

2. I honestly forgot the next thing I wanted on this list.

3. Film photography.
What is it about a picture that doesn't have pixels? Maybe looking at film photography is a break from the screen that seems to somehow constantly ween its way into my sight all the days that I am awake. I think that digital photography is beautiful in the sense that it is fresh, and film photography is beautiful because it is pure. It's almost overwhelming.

4. I think that #2 was supposed to be music.
That link is mainly a compiled playlist of my favorite Grooveshark playlists. And other songs that are just splendid. I feel like a broken record with this list, mostly. But really, music. It is what keeps me sane and what drives me insane when I realize my ears have been drowning in too much song. Then I keep listening.

5. Twitter.
I like it better than Facebook. Only because Facebook seems . . . I don't know the word. I guess I like reading about people's lives rather than looking at the memes people post just to see how many shares and likes they can get.

And Twitter is like writing quick blog posts when I'm at school and I don't have time to pull up my blog to rant about useless things.

The only problem with it is that people are trapped in other social networks and their friends don't use Twitter, so I tweet to like five people. Which is fine, I guess.

6. People.
As I said in #1, I have a mental list of people who are inspiring in some way or another. I like trying to understand why people do what they do, say what they say, and think what they think. And I like learning from those people, and applying what I learn from them to myself.

Or just trying to apply those things, at the very least.

Thursday: Theories, Thoughts, and Other Things

When my face has, what it seems to be, a normal, straight-mouth expression, apparently it looks like I am scowling. I have had people on multiple occasions say things to me like, "Smile!" and other ridiculous commands.

Maybe I was just born with a scowl. 

I mostly can't handle how scatterbrained I am, lately. (I am always scatterbrained, but lately it has become more of a problem.) It's getting completely out of hand, and forgetting supplies, assignments, and other various class-type things is not an experience I particularly enjoy. I should probably choose a major that solely depends on computer work or something that doesn't require me relying on my brain.

I have been so sniffly these last few days. I truly want to blame the smog, because I had cold-like symptoms the last time we experienced this array of dirty, disgusting particles floating around the air around here. This time my voice has had its struggles, and I've used a fair amount of tissues. Soup sessions should be in order here, soon.

In the hallways at school, I think the chairs lined against the walls should actually be turned around to face the walls. I don't really enjoy using the halls as my runway.

I hold the record on a number of accomplishments. To name a couple: Changing my phone number the most times out of everyone. Having to clean my room the most times out of everyone. The most often. It mostly just takes me a couple minutes to make a mess of things, and luckily it just takes me a few more minutes to clean it all up. It's just a little humorous to see the transition of my bedroom's state throughout the day.

I'm cutting my hair tomorrow. It's not a big deal, because I'm not going from long hair to a pixie cut, or anything. But it's been getting hard to fix, lately. So let's chop it off.

And that is all I wish to say at this time.

Obserfact

Fact: I forgot deodorant this morning.
Observation: The pioneers still got married.

Fact: My throat is feeling mildly swollen.
Observation: Maybe I should have knocked on wood all those times I said I have an immune system of steel.

Fact: I have another four hour test to look forward to this week. And a planar sculpture to turn in, and a poem to write, and five thousand assignments to complete in order to catch up on my online class.
Observation: It's okay because when my brain kicks me into the insane asylum, I won't have to worry about those things.

Fact: My phone is in my pocket. It was deactivated on Saturday.
Observation: There should be better reasons for going through withdrawals.

Fact: I woke up at 5:28 AM, exactly one hour before my alarm was set to go off. I panicked, thinking that it was time to wake up and that I hadn't set my alarm. So I lay in bed, making myself stay awake because the snooze button wasn't an option if my alarm hadn't been set.
Observation: I do a better job making myself stay awake when I'm supposed to be asleep than my alarm does at waking me up when I'm going to be late for class.

Fact: Sometimes in my head I yell at the top of my lungs because I realize that I can.
Observation: Yelling in your head probably doesn't have the same effect as yelling at the top of your lungs in the school library.

Not that I would know.

Storage

Today my mother stated the statement I have dreaded for a long time.

"You're taking everything when you move out."

Say it ain't so. Please.
Here's to the last of my living in this house. I'll be de-junking in piles of old doodles and writings. And otherwise. Wish me luck.

***

To any book-selling superstars reading this, what is the best and easiest way to sell old textbooks? Any advice is appreciated.

Courses Regarding the Study of Light

Today I was going through the classes I am registered for

and the classes I will eventually be registered for in order to

Graduate.

I was relieved when I realized I've already taken

Photography I,

being a photography major, and all.

Because you can only handle so much 

photography

while majoring in photography(?).

But I noticed something. I have a lot of

photography 

classes on my plate. A lot.

And I thought,

"I can't take those classes.

Those classes aren't for me."

Even when the prerequisites

lined up just fine.

I just feel a little scared.

And guess what else.

There's gonna be a lot of photographing around here.

And I'm not sure

how I feel about that, just yet.

Twenty

It's sad when you feel like you're in the slow motion scene of a movie
But then you just realize that the car ahead of you is going twenty under the speed limit.

Ask Me Anything

Ask me anything, and maybe I'll answer you.


I'm serious. Ask me anything. At least something.

I'm feeling quite detached from the blogosphere, lately. Reading-wise and posting-wise. I need a nudge.

Sun Day

Sundays.

They're my favorite day of the week.

They have been for a while.

I've waited all week for Sunday.

I'm not anticipating anything special.

But it's finally here.

I'd put a smiley face. 

But I'm pretty sure I've never put one on here.

So I'll put this, instead.

Routine

Lindor Truffles. Also known as the first thing in my mouth for the last three days.
Three A.M. Also known as my bedtime the last [insert accurate time frame here].
Noon. I feel like you can guess what I'm about to say.

Teeth: Still hanging in there.
Eyes: Wide and tired.
Sanity: Dwindling.

matter

as much as i'm glad

the 90s are through

i miss when

indecision

didn't matter much

until i was choosing

ice cream

Titles To Date

Bethany: Name given at birth

Bet: Nickname used through fourth and fifth grade

Frank: Spurred from Oliver and Company. After quoting the bulldog at a primary activity, a group of girls then began using the nickname
Franky: See "Frank"

Bethania: Used by a family friend when I was little.

Beth Ann: Used by my uncle today.

Bethers: Used by girls from church; Used today

BJ: Initials. Used today by only one or two people
BeJo: The first two letters from my first and last name. Never really used. Just spurted some other notable inspirations of names
Beej: Stretched from 'BeJo'. Minus the 'oh'. Frequently used today by close friends
Beejaloni: Rooted from Beej. Used today by close friends

Beejee the Squeegee: Rooted from Beej.
Beej the Squeeg
Squeeg: Used quite frequently by close friends and select others.

BenyQ: Pronounced "B'neek". Rooted from a time I jokingly spelled my name with a silent 'Q'. A roommate spontaneously wrote "BenyQ" on a flyer that was lounging in the apartment. Therefore creating the lovely nickname
Q: Shortened version of BenyQ. Used by roommate friends (along with all Q-rooted nicknames listed below. And any other Q-names I may have unintentionally forgotten). Ever so rarely do they call me by my first name
Queue
Q-Face
Q-bicle/Cubicle
Queb: Pronounced "Cube"
Quebeth: Pronounced "Que-bith"
Q-bee-doo

McBethany: Used today

Beth: Used by coworkers. I normally don't let people get in the habit of using this name for me, but sometimes it just subtly slips in. But really, to me, Beth ≠ Bethany.


But certainly Franky, Squeeg, Q, etcetera = Bethany.

Tuppence A Bag

Basically I dislike when every time I open iTunes it pops up with a suggestion to download the latest ten-point-six-eight-point-thirty-six-point-seventy-three update. Or some number around there.

Basically I love when I can say "one more day" with a sigh of "I forgot time actually passes sometimes."

This morning I opened the shop. I started bringing the old sleds, Christmas decor, etcetera out to the porch. The shop is right next to a little river, bridge & mainly ornery ducks included. From across the river I heard a woman's voice calling to the birds. I turned, curious to see if she thought the birds would respond to her voice. They did. They all quacked and swam over to her. And she fed them.

It was like Mary Poppins all over again.

Also,

They're married now.

Envelopes Are Grand,

But I find telephonic communication to be quite pleasant and rather acceptable.

4, 3, 2, 1

My throat will discontinue in its soreness. Before it amounts to anything severe.
I demand it.


I am a countdown type of person. I count down to everything in every way possible so as to partially understand the time process between now & later.

For instance,

"In one hour I will only have two hours of work left."

"Three weeks. Four Sundays. Nine work shifts. Give or take. Ish."

"In twenty-eight days, there will be four days until my birthday."

But apparently one cannot always count down to the arrival of envelope-encased messages. Unfortunately.

Distaste & Taste

I do not enjoy when I start cleaning my room and then I don't finish. Because then I never finish.

I do not enjoy when my impatience swallows me.

I do not enjoy when no matter how much I check off on my To Accomplish list, there's always a check mark I overlooked.

But mostly, I do not enjoy the space involved in distance, time, and otherwise.

But I do enjoy sweet rolls.

And I do enjoy milk.