Reasons to Turn Down A Million Dollars

Yesterday I got off the bus at the transfer station. It was right after class, so I hauled my supplies across the station to wait for my bus.

I passed a plump man in a t-shirt, and he said something that I didn't pay attention to because I thought he was just talking. After about seven seconds of standing and waiting, the man started walking toward me saying, "You're just the person I need to talk to." I realized he had been addressing me, and I kind of shriveled inside realizing he was headed toward me. "Are you good?"Oh, heavens, I don't even want to know to what you are referring. I honestly thought for a fleeting moment he had me mistaken for someone or something I am not.

I just looked at him with a confused face, and asked, "What?" hesitant for the answer. He then pointed at my art portfolio, and I remembered that I had my supplies with me. "Oh... Um, I'm not that great. I am just in school for art." Please go away.

"You're a beautiful girl. Do you draw? Paint? Do you by chance do 3D art?"

"Drawing mostly..."

He then went on to tell me about his "children's" "book" he is "writing" and how he has "lot's of people" "helping" him with his "book". And also his plans to self publish this book. And how Pixar will buy it. Because it's a good story. Like Tangled, and all of those movies. He just needs an illustrator. Would I be interested?

No. No, I would not be interested. "No, I don't think I'm the person you want to talk to. I am busy with school right now and I am still learning."

"Would that still be your answer if this got you a million dollars?" he asked in his best salesman voice.


"Oh, come on, I will post it online, then a dollar a click, and that's two million dollars there, and then Pixar will buy it... I would split the revenue 50/50 with you."

"No, thank you."

"Do you like to dance? Do you work out?"

"...I don't really have time for that." [I left out the part where I'm a lard when it comes to physical movement and how it's none of his business.]

"Do you like food? I mean, you look like you never eat."

Please leave me alone. I don't even want to know what you're getting at right now.

"So, is there a time we can sit down and talk about this?"

"No, I really am not interested."

Then I looked down at my phone that was receiving a "phone call". And I excused myself and had a "conversation" with "someone".

During my phonecall I said that I would "call her and call you back." Then I called my dad and demanded that he stay on the line with me.

Then the man got on the bus that I was going to get on. Needless to say, I waited for over a half hour for the next bus.


Jana said...

I would die, literally. That's my least favorite thing about the bus. Even worse when they get on the same bus as you. Once I got off at a different stop than I normally do to avoid some sketchy guys, but they ended up getting off at that stop too, it was bad news.

Alison said...

AAAAGHHHH! You had your "Dana, the man" experience! I hate those.

Alex said...

I really glad you document creepy experiences. It makes them funnier in retrospect. Thank goodness for cell phones.

Paul and Shannon's Family said...

That is so funny. I am glad you weren't killed. Can you give me his number I want the million. Ha ha. One day while I was riding tax this crazy guy asked me how to stop the train. When I told him you can't until the next stop he said, "stop the train, you have to stop the train". I lived to tell it too.

Kimberly Jo said...

Once I had a long conversation with a man who was clearly on crack. Well "conversation." He introduced himself and shook my hand five times.

I'm always collecting bus stories, I have plans to make them into a play. May I steal yours?