Art About Now

I am in a weird mood right about now.

My insides are all inhaling and holding the air in, making my stomach turn like it is excited for tomorrow, even though it isn't excited for anything at all. I suddenly want to absorb all music. My ears are suddenly desperate for the sound. I want my eyes to absorb everything artistic. My hands are hurting because they want to make art, but my brain is holding them back after all this time of telling my fingers that they don't belong to an artist. But I want to be an artist. I am scared of my classes. Intimidated, really. Overwhelmingly intimidated. But I've only just concluded that rather than worrying that I am in the wrong major, I am going to absorb my classes because I want to. Not because I need the content of the classroom for a degree, but I need the learning for my sanity. For my identity. My throat is dry and thirsty and it has been for a little too long. I've gone too long without learning art or releasing it into an actual form. It has only been shut away behind my eyes because I have only convinced myself to believe I was too busy for that. To believe I am, perhaps, anything but an artist.

I am an artist.
I demand that the fact be true.

Please, for the sake of my time, sanity (or lack thereof), money, and effort, let it be true.


Shannon said...

You are so good to, at writing and art. Everyone else is probably intimidated by you!

Alex said...

OMG, you obvi are an artist. This comment makes me sound like a totes unreliable source. But at the same time, I know you are an artist. You always will be. You and your artsy haircut. : ]

Alison said...